Ok, so I totally feel like a jerk. I normally am. It kind of defines me. Yeah, I’m that girl who doesn’t sing in church because my husband just stole a sip of my coffee. I’m the girl who won’t talk to you because I’m tired of instigating and maintaining relationships. I’m the girl your wouldn’t recognize if I smiled…and so on.
But besides that part, I just read a post from a precious, smart, confident, and way beautiful woman that was hurt by the comments and attitudes of others. The truth is, I set my jerkiness aside everyday to point my finger at the people around me for doing whatever they’re doing wrong. What? You just said a curse word because your computer randomly shut down without saving your work? What? You stay up until 2am partying? What? You think Christianity is a hoax…a ploy?
Nevermind the fact that I threw a Clorox bottle at my husband. Or that I avoid people as much as possible. Nevermind the fact that I think God hasn’t been listening to me for years. Nevermind the fact that the only “Christian” ties I have right now is that I go to church on Sundays and sometimes Sunday nights if I haven’t flipped our mattress and thrown a lamp.
Shame, shame on me.
It has been refreshing the last few weeks to enjoy the company of a few people that don’t fit the mold of my “conventional” comrades. And I have to remember that the millions of thoughts that go through my head added to the aforementioned actions and few nasty insults are equal in God’s sight to the partying and curse words…worse probably because I consider my sin with apathy.
Shame.
P.S. Please be praying for a sweet woman who is considering abortion but is going to the doctor to hear her baby’s heartbeat today. :)
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Carpet Happiness (featuring Not Me! Monday)
Welcome to Not Me! Monday (ahem)! This blog carnival is hosted by MckMama. Please visit her blog!
I did not completely refuse to explain why my first Not Me! Monday is on a Tuesday, because I did not post my first Not Me! Monday blog on a Tuesday. First impressions are important, and that would be irresponsible.
I did not fail to tell my husband that the car I have been driving for over a year and half had no spare tire. So, when our front left tire was obliterated on Saturday, we did not have to call my brother-in-law to leave work to drive us to and from the Tire Store.
I did not eat 2 1/2 undercooked chicken wings without comment to spare my husband from feeling bad about grilling them. Gross!
And I did not beg my husband for carpet and then sit on the couch watching 48 Hours: Hard Evidence while he moved all of the furniture and laid the carpet down alone. I also did not pretend not to hear his request for a glass of water until commercial.
Mostly, I did not expect my new carpet to bring me eternal happiness...
I awoke to the sound of a strange tune playing through the speaker of my cell phone. Reaching over to my nightstand, I clicked my alarm off for the thousandth time. This time, I decided to climb out of bed. Propping my head up, as that seems to be the only logical way to maintain my alertness long enough to avoid the urge to go back to sleep, I mustered up the courage to step out of bed onto the floor…the cold, linoleum floor. That’s right. For nine months I suffered with a linoleum bedroom.
Oh, I had begged and begged to budget money to buy a carpet remnant, but this was the room my husband slept in for years, there was no need to change “good enough”. I just wanted the warm goodness of my carpet! I’ve never lived in a house with no carpet! I tried not to complain too much, as we are staying with Paul’s father for a very low price, and the basement apartment is more than big enough for us, but I had convinced myself that all I needed to be eternally happy was that carpet…Sound familiar?
Have you ever convinced yourself that some trivial thing can bring your happiness? Only to get the carpet home, and despite the great price, the fact that it was bigger than you thought it was, and that your husband admits your brilliance in asking for it, that you are still cranky and too tired to enjoy it? And by the time you awake the next morning, you’ve already taken it for granted? Carpet didn’t change my life…surprising as that may sound.
What was I thinking? If college didn’t change my life, and marriage didn’t end all of life’s trials, and getting a job didn’t bring happiness, then why did I think carpet would?? The truth is, that’s the nature of Jenn, constantly searching for some easy thing to permanently change my world for the better. The funny thing is that I’ve already found the one Thing that will change my life forever, or rather Person.
Despite the fact that the Holy Spirit is living in my heart, Christ is interceding for me, and I have a direct connection to the God of Heaven, I have managed to lose sight of His goodness. How could I be so blind? I won’t lie and say that I’ve found contentment in where He has placed me, but I will say that I now realize the folly of my ways and am one step closer to a heart realization.
I did not completely refuse to explain why my first Not Me! Monday is on a Tuesday, because I did not post my first Not Me! Monday blog on a Tuesday. First impressions are important, and that would be irresponsible.
I did not fail to tell my husband that the car I have been driving for over a year and half had no spare tire. So, when our front left tire was obliterated on Saturday, we did not have to call my brother-in-law to leave work to drive us to and from the Tire Store.
I did not eat 2 1/2 undercooked chicken wings without comment to spare my husband from feeling bad about grilling them. Gross!
And I did not beg my husband for carpet and then sit on the couch watching 48 Hours: Hard Evidence while he moved all of the furniture and laid the carpet down alone. I also did not pretend not to hear his request for a glass of water until commercial.
Mostly, I did not expect my new carpet to bring me eternal happiness...
I awoke to the sound of a strange tune playing through the speaker of my cell phone. Reaching over to my nightstand, I clicked my alarm off for the thousandth time. This time, I decided to climb out of bed. Propping my head up, as that seems to be the only logical way to maintain my alertness long enough to avoid the urge to go back to sleep, I mustered up the courage to step out of bed onto the floor…the cold, linoleum floor. That’s right. For nine months I suffered with a linoleum bedroom.
Oh, I had begged and begged to budget money to buy a carpet remnant, but this was the room my husband slept in for years, there was no need to change “good enough”. I just wanted the warm goodness of my carpet! I’ve never lived in a house with no carpet! I tried not to complain too much, as we are staying with Paul’s father for a very low price, and the basement apartment is more than big enough for us, but I had convinced myself that all I needed to be eternally happy was that carpet…Sound familiar?
Have you ever convinced yourself that some trivial thing can bring your happiness? Only to get the carpet home, and despite the great price, the fact that it was bigger than you thought it was, and that your husband admits your brilliance in asking for it, that you are still cranky and too tired to enjoy it? And by the time you awake the next morning, you’ve already taken it for granted? Carpet didn’t change my life…surprising as that may sound.
What was I thinking? If college didn’t change my life, and marriage didn’t end all of life’s trials, and getting a job didn’t bring happiness, then why did I think carpet would?? The truth is, that’s the nature of Jenn, constantly searching for some easy thing to permanently change my world for the better. The funny thing is that I’ve already found the one Thing that will change my life forever, or rather Person.
Despite the fact that the Holy Spirit is living in my heart, Christ is interceding for me, and I have a direct connection to the God of Heaven, I have managed to lose sight of His goodness. How could I be so blind? I won’t lie and say that I’ve found contentment in where He has placed me, but I will say that I now realize the folly of my ways and am one step closer to a heart realization.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Okay...Yeah
I know, eight months? But seriously, I think I've had a bit on my mind...what with fusing my life with another person and all. If it makes you feel any better, I've been cheating on Blogger with Freewebs. I have a full site. There's even a game! It's here. But I might be able to find a few pics on my work computer that sum up the last few months. If you want the full version, check out the link above in the word "here".
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Wedding Bells
10 days. That's right, in 10 days all of my labor from the past 6 months will come to fruition.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Black and White?
While I'm normally your typical black-and-white, analog prophet, I certainly got a lesson in rule-breaking last night. My fiance and I have been discussing the different aspects of our upcoming marriage and how it will change each of our lives. The hot topic of finances snuck in to our loving conversation and wreaked havoc. It's true. I am not a frivolous spender. I pay my bills; I buy gas; I buy discounted cheap wedding stuff...and I don't do anything. I'm a regular boring single person. However, in order to get through school at a decent pace (remembering that I had a deadline...said wedding), I was forced to take out some loans. I currently find myself quite indebted to them.
Also, last fall I plowed into the back of a Jeep and totaled my Escort. I work two jobs and maintain a long-distance relationship. Not having a car is not an option. I had two weeks with a rental car, which means I had two weeks to find a reliable, safe, smart car. I financed it, as loan payments and two weeks notice did not allow me to save up more than $2500. It really is a great car. It will last me at least 10 years and has enough room for a growing family, no added bells and whistles or anything.
So there I was, with my two financial decisions and a 1/1,000,000 chance of getting out of there alive. I found myself arguing that although I definitely advocated the debt-free, less extravagance lifestyle, I've found that a big bag of money doesn't fall out of the sky every time someone with good intentions goes through a difficult time! Alas, I have become a rule-bender!!! It wasn't black and white anymore. My fiance's "simple" decision to buy a 10-year-old clunker for a fraction of the price I paid after 4 months of research and thought was not in any way comparable to my car-buying decision.
As hard and fast as I've always thought, this nay-sayer can admit when she's been taught a lesson. And I shall try to show kindness to all rule-breakers...
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Form...
...is content.
Anyone who reads knows this, even if they don't realize it.
I'll explain. If you are reading a work containing countless "y'all"s, spellings denoting soft "r"s, and mismatched subject/verb agreement, you may conclude that you are reading the work of an uneducated southerner (or that's exactly what the author wanted you to conclude). Such grammar and style would be horrendous in light of formal writing rules, but by noticing said grammar and style, you would be recongnizing something about the content of the piece.
Therefore, attention to grammatical detail when writing any sort of literary piece is necessary for effective communication. With that said, when critiquing a work that is not intended to sound uneducated, but quite the opposite, one intended to be scholarly, one would find the grammar, layout, style, form, word choice, transition use, etc. quite useful in determining the accuracy, logic, and content of the work.
"Why are you talking about boring grammar rules?", you may be asking if you are part of that probably 80% of the American population that considers such things pointless. I was wronged. My final critique grade in my Christology class was a "B" because my critique integrated the bearing of grammar importance with the judging of logic in the argument. In fact, grammar was listed on the "Guide" of things to note given out by our professor. Poor grammar has great bearing on the validity and earnestness of one's paper. And segues and transitions affect the flow of the paper, which is directly related to how the reader reads that author's logic.
Sigh. I hate to get so worked up. But I also hate to be two points away from an A.
So long GPA.
Anyone who reads knows this, even if they don't realize it.
I'll explain. If you are reading a work containing countless "y'all"s, spellings denoting soft "r"s, and mismatched subject/verb agreement, you may conclude that you are reading the work of an uneducated southerner (or that's exactly what the author wanted you to conclude). Such grammar and style would be horrendous in light of formal writing rules, but by noticing said grammar and style, you would be recongnizing something about the content of the piece.
Therefore, attention to grammatical detail when writing any sort of literary piece is necessary for effective communication. With that said, when critiquing a work that is not intended to sound uneducated, but quite the opposite, one intended to be scholarly, one would find the grammar, layout, style, form, word choice, transition use, etc. quite useful in determining the accuracy, logic, and content of the work.
"Why are you talking about boring grammar rules?", you may be asking if you are part of that probably 80% of the American population that considers such things pointless. I was wronged. My final critique grade in my Christology class was a "B" because my critique integrated the bearing of grammar importance with the judging of logic in the argument. In fact, grammar was listed on the "Guide" of things to note given out by our professor. Poor grammar has great bearing on the validity and earnestness of one's paper. And segues and transitions affect the flow of the paper, which is directly related to how the reader reads that author's logic.
Sigh. I hate to get so worked up. But I also hate to be two points away from an A.
So long GPA.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Expectations:
You know what's funny? Picking up a glass to drink your Sprite and realizing it's milk.
Sometimes when you get something you didn't expect, it's a pleasant surprise. But if you don't like milk...
I was fully prepared this past weekend to play the Company Sweetheart role. I have been busting my bum to come up with ways to make the Alpha guys (and girls) smile. I suppose some of the reason I do it is to impress my sweetheart. I think it is also because I want to be the best (a self-centered perfectionist perspective) sweetheart there ever was or ever will be. I like drama.
I spent eight hours over two days making a huge cake for Friday's "Company Bonding" movie night. (In the end, it didn't matter, because they thought I bought it. A compliment in disguise I suppose.) I hadn't seen Paul in two months. Boy, was I surprised when the strange little girl who has been relentlessly pursuing him pulled up as we were unloading the party supplies.
I confronted her (over Facebook. Brave, huh?) this summer. I ended up saying some things I regretted. So, I cut myself off, promptly apologized, and assured her she would not be hearing from me again.
I still don't like her. I can see through her tactics, and her reptutation is not reassuring.
So, I spent the entire evening trying to catch my breath and trying not to look like I was trying to hard. She stared me down the whole time. (My little 15-year old brother who came along for the ride thought she was checking him out.) She also caught Paul in the hallway, and according to his rendition, he was curt.
I don't like this kind of drama. (or do I?)
My once-dormant fears are not quite on full blast (nothing's worse than the first blindsiding occurence), but nightmares have visited me the past two nights.
Sigh.
I think it's time I grew up.
Sometimes when you get something you didn't expect, it's a pleasant surprise. But if you don't like milk...
I was fully prepared this past weekend to play the Company Sweetheart role. I have been busting my bum to come up with ways to make the Alpha guys (and girls) smile. I suppose some of the reason I do it is to impress my sweetheart. I think it is also because I want to be the best (a self-centered perfectionist perspective) sweetheart there ever was or ever will be. I like drama.
I spent eight hours over two days making a huge cake for Friday's "Company Bonding" movie night. (In the end, it didn't matter, because they thought I bought it. A compliment in disguise I suppose.) I hadn't seen Paul in two months. Boy, was I surprised when the strange little girl who has been relentlessly pursuing him pulled up as we were unloading the party supplies.
I confronted her (over Facebook. Brave, huh?) this summer. I ended up saying some things I regretted. So, I cut myself off, promptly apologized, and assured her she would not be hearing from me again.
I still don't like her. I can see through her tactics, and her reptutation is not reassuring.
So, I spent the entire evening trying to catch my breath and trying not to look like I was trying to hard. She stared me down the whole time. (My little 15-year old brother who came along for the ride thought she was checking him out.) She also caught Paul in the hallway, and according to his rendition, he was curt.
I don't like this kind of drama. (or do I?)
My once-dormant fears are not quite on full blast (nothing's worse than the first blindsiding occurence), but nightmares have visited me the past two nights.
Sigh.
I think it's time I grew up.
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